Saturday, February 25, 2012

I never want them to turn real

the noises get so deafening that
I can't even begin to push them out of my head.
My frail attempts to reassure myself that they aren't real,
only adds to all the screaming,
screaming I'm not even sure exists,
but perpetuates
like a hundred pots that spin on the floor
and clatter against each other and never want to stop
--all of these happening in the little confine of my head,
which offer only prolonged echos that magnify what I hear.
The noises eventually go away,
but I get so scared,
so scared that one day,
the noises may stop disappearing.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

From where I am seeing

(Diagram copied from the novel)
"Some people think the Milky Way is a long line of stars, but it isn't. Our galaxy is a huge disk of stars millions of light-years across, and the solar system is somewhere near the outside edge of the disk.
"When you look in direction A, at 90° to the disk, you don't see many stars. But when you look in direction B, you see lots more stars because you are looking into the main body of the galaxy, and because the galaxy is a disk you see a stripe of stars."
-  Christopher Boone in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

Just the night before I read this excerpt from the novel (it's one of the two books we have to read for creative writing this semester), Tricia and I crossed each other's path as we were both walking under the dark sky absorbing the remnants of starlight, and she mentioned that she didn't realize until that night that the stars were clearer at certain angles. Or that there were more stars if you look from the right place. I told her it was the fact that she was away from the lamppost that made the stars more striking.

I don't know if she had already read this excerpt by then, which has a point I never thought about until I myself have read it. Maybe the reason I still don't get to see the Milky Way from wherever I live now is not entirely because I live in too much light. I may well have always been looking at the night sky 90° to the disk.

Perception makes up everything that I see.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Fire in the Winter

I thought I got over you, but then I realized things just aren't a simple case of cake or pie. It get's funny though how ambiguous boundaries in feelings can lead me to thoughts that scream ambivalence--of never-ending contradictions that are so hilarious I sometimes burst out laughing in spite of the lousy feeling that hurts so much. There are surely days when everything you do spells angelic charm, and then there are those when I could have sworn I would murder you for who you are and for what you make me feel, if only homicide isn't a terrible crime that would be a demise of my own life.

I guess this feeling sticks for a little while more; a blessing or a curse, I can't even tell.

Life is funny. Don't you want to laugh too?

Thursday, February 2, 2012

My Desire

via Ode
via treehugger
via Full Moon
via Thing Of It Is
Of infinite number,
that sparkle and stretch into forever,
when oh when will my turn be to see a dark sky filled with nothing but stars?

P.S. Notice how in each photo we get to see the Milky Way formed in the night sky. It's funny (amazing, actually) to think that you can see the galaxy that you're actually in. God is pure creativity when He created everything.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


I started reading Coraline by Neil Gaiman last night. I've never seen the film adaptation, so I had no expectation of the story other than those of friends and sister who said the animated movie creeped the life out of them, and that of book reviews that had adults admitted that the book was scary, disturbing and extraordinary. So I expected to read a gripping, spooky and fantastic tale.

The book read like a children's storybook, really. That was one of my earliest thoughts as I went along with the first few pages of the novella. In its simple, straightforward language that didn't bother with trying too hard to be poetic however, the words had a peculiar way of bringing to life the vivid imagination in me. I suspected the simple language was used so that younger readers could easily understand it too, but in its simplicity also brought this clarity of the eerie and spooky atmosphere in the other world that Coraline walked into. I was creeped out soon enough, and I put the book down to do other things because it was two in the morning and everyone else in the house was asleep, and I didn't want to allow my imagination to convince me that there was really something creeping about on the other side of my bedroom door. Pretty silly, I'll even admit.

The story wasn't a very long one. I resumed my reading this afternoon (when imaginary shadows are harder to form) and finished the book not much later. But it might as well. Any longer, I'll probably be spooked long enough to have my thought processes be disturbed just like the other time I watched Inception. But that's another story altogether.

So I thought it was a childish story at first, then things got really disturbing, then I started wondering if this was something children should be reading if they ever find themselves having a hold of this book. Children's imagination has no boundaries. I think that other world might become all too real to them. Then again, it's probably the adults reading this who will scare themselves silly because they have a tendency to over think things and in their over-thinking make things disturbing.

I think Coraline is genius. (The little character Coraline is pretty precocious herself too.) I'm successfully spooked, but whether that was because I thought like a child or a grown-up, I'm not too sure.

Kudos to you though, Gaiman, for a really good read.